“Bar of steel worth five dollars, when wrought into horseshoes, is worth ten dollars. If made into needles, it is worth three hundred and fifty dollars; if into penknife blades, it is worth thirty-two thousand dollars; if into springs for watches it is worth two hundred and fifty thousand dollars. What a drilling the poor bar must undergo to be worth this! But the more it is manipulated, the more it is hammered, and passed through the fire, and beaten and pounded and polished, the greater the value.” – Streams In The Desert

Why not us?

The easy thing to do would be to tell you that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger and that we do not know the full story.  It is easy to say that God is teaching us a lesson.  It is easy for my Christian friends to say God won’t give us anything we can’t handle.Grandfather's Watch, B&W

It is just a TON harder to really believe it; to accept that we are being tortured on purpose.  To be told daily of a new pregnancy by everyone we know.  To open up our Facebook feeds full of small heads and chubby cheeks.  To have to revisit our infertility every month and know it once again didn’t happen.  I feel like we are on American Gladiators and everyone is just watching us get tackled and shot with a tennis ball gun. In the end I am in the same place as all of my friends;  i just have a few more bruises and am out of breath.

We are good candidates for parents.  We are a much better pick than the millions who have abortions or are have children outside of marriage or a stable home.  God is our buddy and we live for him as much as we can.  We are ready to bring a child up in a Christian household.  We have spent a ton of time seeking God and serving in his kingdom.  It all looks good on paper.  (These are unhealthy desires, but I am trying to be honest here.)

Yet this process was dragging us down, wearing us out

Don’t look at the bar, look at the springs

Then it clicked while going through my devotions.  I was looking at this bar of metal and not at the springs it will make.  This is not just a fun game where God sees how long we can put up with it.  i have already been renewed.  This is already becoming slightly easier.  I have already turned to prayer and increased my reliance on God.

This is not a story about a bar that is being hammered, beaten, and pounded.  This is a story about watch springs and all of the work God is doing to make us beautiful.

Out of Chaos life is being found in you

This is all chaos, but this is also a story about life coming from dust.  We may never be able to conceive, but I know we have a God through this chaos.

A very important song to me in all of this comes from a couple who overcame infertility.  This song by Gungor was written in the middle of their struggle and is a cry from the watch springs that we know God makes beautiful things.

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

– Abram –