Schwimmbrille

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This is everything

let’s face it

this is the issue that is in our face on every webpage, Christmas card, night out for dinner and discussion with friends that are parents.  this is the issue every morning that my wife has another ultrasound or blood work.  this is the issue at every family gathering or party where we get the questions.

this is our current struggle.  this is not the same struggle, but this is the MAIN one.

this defines the angle i look at every sermon or worship song about healing. this is our blindness; our invisible leprosy.  the current stage of infertility grief makes it into almost every quiet time or nighttime prayer.  this is what i define myself as.  everything goes through my “infertility goggles” where i stretch and skew every comment to pertain to one single part of my life.  each bible verse i read is about how I can’t have kids.

“Ohhhh, the parable of the sower is about plants? not reproductive seed?  The parable of the laborers isn’t about drinking wine to help have children? Why all the talk about the vine and bearing fruit?  God actually wants me to bear fruit other than children?  The parable of the good Samaritan is definitely about my acupuncture specialist though.”

okay, maybe a little far fetched from what i was going through.

but i know we need to embrace this struggle.  this is our story.  this can be used for good or bad because we are part of this club and experienced it first hand.

Yet this is not everything

 this is not who we are

we are full of other stories

i read many of these infertility blogs and i feel people have just tagged themselves like they are just another lab rat with a single purpose.

we need to get past this.  i know it is difficult.

our interactions with friends and family go beyond us not having children.  our purpose here goes far beyond changing diapers and watching a child graduate.  we can contribute tons more to this world and grow in a ton of different ways.

i made a conscious decision to go through church services and meetings with friends in the last month focusing on other areas of my life. i was amazed at what i have been missing. my friendships go beyond fatherhood and i needed to realize that i cannot put God, family, friends, my job, and my hobbies on pause.  God is not done working in them yet.

My story is not who i am

my hope is that this infertility becomes my story and not just who i am; that i can still deal with every other issue in life and grow in all areas.  whether it be music, friendships, my career, my faith, or anything else i am passionate about, i will combine them with my current struggle to help determine who i am and who i am becoming in all of this.  i will take on situations as they affect me, not just as they affect my infertility.

i will break my infertility goggles and live life to the fullest in ALL areas

– Abram –

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