we have been trying for three years. they tried for three days.

We’re back from Thanksgiving and we missed you!

I hope you all enjoyed your weekend and got to spend some of it with family. Did any of you find great Black Friday deals? I stayed far away from that madness. I love to shop but pepper spray and pushing scare me. Abram and I spent our days with family and friends and even got to catch a few naps in between. As we were going around the Thanksgiving dinner table and sharing what we’re thankful for, I realized that this blog has been a huge blessing to me lately. You guys have become a community of hope for me and you remind me that I’m not alone in this scary land of infertility. Thank you for stopping by our site and encouraging us with your comments. I honestly can’t sum up how much that means to me.

I know that Holidays can be really hard when dealing with infertility, so I spent some time on Thanksgiving Day praying for each one of you. It’s hard when you’ve spent so much time hoping and dreaming of making the Big Announcement to your family but only have negative pregnancy tests to show for it. I know what that feels like. For those of you who follow us on Twitter (twitter.com/stillcountingst), you may have seen that Thanksgiving brought a very big announcement: My younger sister is pregnant.

Oh man.

We knew the announcement was coming, but nothing can fully prepare you for the moment.

I can’t help but think it should have been me. We’ve been trying for 3 years. She and her husband tried for 3 days. Literally. It was their first month trying. I wanted to have the first grandchild and make my family excited and proud. I wanted to be the one to make my parents grandparents. That was supposed to be our announcement. She got to break the news to family while going around the table and sharing “thankfuls”. How picture perfect is that?! Why does it make me feel sick?

Hope deferred makes the heart sick. Proverbs 13:12a

Every time I hear someone is pregnant, I literally get a stomach ache. Jealousy and disappointment overcome me. I want to be happy for them and get excited over every little detail, but I feel like I don’t have it in me. I just can’t get over the question of “why not me”? When will it be my turn?

But a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12b

But at the same time, I’m happy for them. I’m happy for my sister. I’m learning to make a very intentional decision to choose joy. There’s going to be new life in our family and that brings a ton of excitement. And by God’s grace, my reaction has been good. On my own, I would have yelled and screamed and pouted in the corner when I heard her good news, but God’s showered loads of grace on me over the past year just to prepare me for this moment.

The writer of Proverbs sure knew what he was talking about when he said hope deferred makes the heart sick. I’m tired of waiting. Tired of being heart-sick. I want to make that announcement soon. I want to experience my deepest longing fulfilled. I want to know the joy and fullness of the tree of life.

But until then, I will trust God’s timing.

Someday I’ll get to make my Big Announcement.

I just have to keep reminding myself.

I’ll just try to cope with these stomach aches.

How do you guys handle when your friends or sisters make the Big Announcement?

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