Archives for category: “Sarah”

This past weekend was Easter, and if you’re a Christian you probably spent Sunday morning at church celebrating the Resurrection of Jesus. You also probably spent some time at church on Friday remembering the Crucifixion. The days are only 2 days apart yet they feel so different. One is quiet, introspective, and broken while the other is joyful, social, and, for many, full of chocolate. But until this year, I never thought about the day that falls between those two.

It’s easy to skip over Saturday. From our perspective of the Resurrection story, nothing happened that day. Jesus was in the tomb waiting for the next morning when He would rise from the dead. But can you imagine what that Saturday was like for the disciples? These were men who had quit their jobs to follow Jesus. They had left their homes and their families and their belongings to be a part of His story. Clearly, they believed in Him. What would it take you to give up your job and your home to follow a stranger? Now imagine the despair they felt on that Saturday. Everything they believed in had died. Their hope for a future was gone and the disappointment they felt must have been unbearable. They knew Jesus had said He would rise from the dead, but I’m sure the situation felt pretty hopeless on Saturday. Life didn’t go as they had planned.

Do you ever feel like you’re stuck on Saturday?

You know what God’s promises are, but they seem pretty impossible. You want to believe His words, but you’re overcome with disappointment.

Unlike the disciples, we know the end of the story. We know what happens on Sunday. We see that every word Jesus said was true. And in the light of Sunday, Saturday doesn’t seem so bad.

Maybe you’ve been stuck in this infertility journey for too long and you’re having a hard time seeing the hope of Sunday. Maybe you feel like you’re hanging by a thread. I’m there with you and I know how hard it is. Let’s continue to remind ourselves that God’s promises are true. In your hardest times and disappointing months, cling to the promises He’s made. He is the God of the impossible and we can trust that He won’t break a single promise.

Thanks to a song by All Sons and Daughters, I learned this Easter that God has a lesson for us about that Saturday. When you have a few minutes, listen to this song and their commentary about it. Be encouraged, Sunday is coming!

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It’s been pretty quiet on here for the past few weeks. To be honest, I just haven’t felt like writing. I haven’t felt like thinking or talking about infertility. I’m getting tired of waiting and more than anything I just feel hopeless. The fertility drugs aren’t working and the wait is driving us crazy. To make matters worse, pregnancies are being announced on Facebook like they’re going out of style!

Can any of you relate?

So I gave myself a few weeks of pity parties/denial/re-decorating and now it’s time to move forward. I will choose joy and continue to believe that God’s timing is perfect. I won’t worry about my biological clock because I serve the Author of Time.

your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:16

Thanks for all your prayers lately!-Sarah

 

English: positive pregnancy test Deutsch: Ein ...

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My guess is that most of you reading this blog have a thorough understanding of the infamous “2 week wait”. But just in case you’re popping over here and aren’t/haven’t experienced infertility let me explain. In a typical woman’s cycle, she’ll ovulate around day 13-15 and then get her period 2 weeks later. For those of us trying to get pregnant, this 2 week window can be unbearable. It’s the period of time where you could be pregnant but you just don’t know. You’ve done everything you can do to get pregnant and now you just have to wait it out. I find myself over-analyzing every ache, cramp, emotion, sensitivity and wondering if they’re signs that I’m pregnant. By the end of the 2 weeks my mind is screaming that I’m probably not pregnant so I don’t get my hopes up but all the way to the deepest core of me I’m hoping that I am.

My 2 week wait ends tomorrow. Will this be my last ever 2 week wait? Or, will I be faced with the all-too-familiar negative test result phone call?

I don’t know how to prepare myself? Plan for the worst and hope for the best? What’s your advice?

I’m sure at least of few of you are veterans of the 2 week wait. What’s your advice for those of us that are going through it right now? Please share your best advice and hopefully we’ll get some good ideas listed for the next time we’re faced with the dreaded 2 week wait.

-Sarah

Merry Christmas, Star-counters!

I know today will be hard from some of us. We’ll be reminded of our dream for children and then faced with emptiness on Christmas morning. Family members may say insensitive things and emotions may be elevated. My prayer for you this Christmas is that you would know that you’re not alone and the God has a plan and purpose for your life.

May the most important baby ever born fill your hearts and bring you peace.

xo -Sarah

Hey fellow star-counters,

I think that’s what I’m going to call you guys. Star-counters. It’s a reference from the story of Abram and Sarah and you should totally check out the full thing in Genesis 15. But in my own words, Abram is having a hard night and he cries out to God, “Why haven’t you given me kids?!”

Been there? I have.

Many times.

So God tells him to go outside and look up at the stars. The God says to him;

“Look up at the sky and count the stars- if indeed you can count them.
So shall your offspring be.”

In the midst of Abram’s hopeless situation, God gives him a promise. God shows him hope. He causes Abram to look beyond his current situation. And I believe that God wants us to experience that same hope. He wants us to know He’s in control even when our hormones are not. He is the Prince of Peace and he wants us to know His peace even when we get another negative test result.

God may not have promised each one of us that our children will be as numerous as the stars in the sky. Or that we’d be able to have children naturally. Or even that our children will be perfectly healthy when we finally get them. But he has promised to be in control. One of my favorite promises that He’s made comes from Jeremiah 29:11:

“For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord.
“Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.
Plans to give you a hope and a future.”

So if the challenges of today are more than you can bear, take time to look up and count the stars. Remember the promises that God has made to you. He wants to prosper you and He has plans for your future.

I’ll be counting stars with you.

-S

Tired of seeing negative pregnancy tests. Alone. Surrounded by baby bumps. Overwhelmed. Desperate for a baby. Struggling not to be jealous.

I find myself with these feelings all too often. And from the sounds of things, you probably have too. This journey through infertility isn’t easy. Actually, it sucks. And a lot of our friends and family don’t get it.

Which is why we started this blog. We’re eager to connect with other couples who are going through the same struggles and heartbreak. We want to know that we’re not alone. But we don’t just want to talk about our problems and wallow in our sadness, we want this to be a place of hope.

So a couple weeks ago, we secretly added another page. If you’ve already noticed it, good job. You’re probably great at “I Spy” games. If not, look up to the top of our homepage and you’ll see a link that says Prayer. We believe that prayer is powerful and effective. In the Bible, it says:

1 Thessalonians 5:17 Pray without ceasing.

James 5:13 Is anyone among you suffering? Then he must pray.

James 5: 16 Pray for one another so that you may be healed.

If you are feeling overwhelmed and discouraged, we’d be honored to pray for you. There’s also an option to share your prayer request with the community. If you choose that option, we’ll share your prayer request in a weekly prayer post. How cool would it be to know that 100+ people are praying for you? But you don’t have to share it with the community. We understand that infertility can be a pretty private issue (we’re keeping our identities annonymous for a reason!).

So check out our new page and let us know how we can be praying for you.

And remember, you’re not alone.

we have been trying for three years. they tried for three days.

We’re back from Thanksgiving and we missed you!

I hope you all enjoyed your weekend and got to spend some of it with family. Did any of you find great Black Friday deals? I stayed far away from that madness. I love to shop but pepper spray and pushing scare me. Abram and I spent our days with family and friends and even got to catch a few naps in between. As we were going around the Thanksgiving dinner table and sharing what we’re thankful for, I realized that this blog has been a huge blessing to me lately. You guys have become a community of hope for me and you remind me that I’m not alone in this scary land of infertility. Thank you for stopping by our site and encouraging us with your comments. I honestly can’t sum up how much that means to me.

I know that Holidays can be really hard when dealing with infertility, so I spent some time on Thanksgiving Day praying for each one of you. It’s hard when you’ve spent so much time hoping and dreaming of making the Big Announcement to your family but only have negative pregnancy tests to show for it. I know what that feels like. For those of you who follow us on Twitter (twitter.com/stillcountingst), you may have seen that Thanksgiving brought a very big announcement: My younger sister is pregnant.

Oh man.

We knew the announcement was coming, but nothing can fully prepare you for the moment.

I can’t help but think it should have been me. We’ve been trying for 3 years. She and her husband tried for 3 days. Literally. It was their first month trying. I wanted to have the first grandchild and make my family excited and proud. I wanted to be the one to make my parents grandparents. That was supposed to be our announcement. She got to break the news to family while going around the table and sharing “thankfuls”. How picture perfect is that?! Why does it make me feel sick?

Hope deferred makes the heart sick. Proverbs 13:12a

Every time I hear someone is pregnant, I literally get a stomach ache. Jealousy and disappointment overcome me. I want to be happy for them and get excited over every little detail, but I feel like I don’t have it in me. I just can’t get over the question of “why not me”? When will it be my turn?

But a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12b

But at the same time, I’m happy for them. I’m happy for my sister. I’m learning to make a very intentional decision to choose joy. There’s going to be new life in our family and that brings a ton of excitement. And by God’s grace, my reaction has been good. On my own, I would have yelled and screamed and pouted in the corner when I heard her good news, but God’s showered loads of grace on me over the past year just to prepare me for this moment.

The writer of Proverbs sure knew what he was talking about when he said hope deferred makes the heart sick. I’m tired of waiting. Tired of being heart-sick. I want to make that announcement soon. I want to experience my deepest longing fulfilled. I want to know the joy and fullness of the tree of life.

But until then, I will trust God’s timing.

Someday I’ll get to make my Big Announcement.

I just have to keep reminding myself.

I’ll just try to cope with these stomach aches.

How do you guys handle when your friends or sisters make the Big Announcement?

I mentioned last week that one of my closest friends recently suffered a miscarriage. I can’t begin to understand the pain she’s experiencing, but I imagine the feeling of loss is immense. Maybe some of you have been there. She had that positive pregnancy test, experienced all of the usual pregnancy symptoms, and even had a growing belly. Her calendar was marked, her work notified, and her joy was growing faster than her belly. And then tragedy struck. She lost the baby. All of her plans shattered.

Less than a week after the miscarriage and D and C, she sent me an e-mail titled “I am thankful.” In the midst of the storm, she was able to praise Jesus and tell of his faithfulness. At a time when so many would disown God, she clung to Him and chose to trust His sovereignty. Her response reminds me of the Willis family’s powerful response I wrote about a couple of weeks ago.

The e-mail my sweet friend wrote detailed all the ways that God provided in the midst of their tragedy. She ended it with a poem that she gave me permission to share. It’s about her time at the hospital and her experience with the D and C, but I think it’s encouragement to all of us that we can be thankful no matter what we’re going through.

I am Thankful

I never thought we’d be in this place,
but we’re thankful to be, to experience His grace.
Today we’re thankful for the goodness of the Lord,
and that He gave us not just enough, but immeasurably more.
He made a nurse obedient to His tug,
He provided another nurse Mollie and a teddy bear to hug.
A doctor not willing to hurry, giving us not a reason to worry.
Loving parents right there at our side,
reminding us in Him to abide.
He made a room open up, so He could continue to fill up our cup.
Each moment was ordained, right there He remained.
Even though our hearts are breaking,
it was for a greater purpose He was making.
Our families at home down on their knees
through the power of prayer our fears were released.
Every prayer was answered,
every concern removed.
Our plans may have been shattered,
but His was proved.
His timing is perfect, His ways secure,
In our loss, His love endures.
Scared and confused,
the questions abounded,
In the midst of it all,
we were surrounded.
We know not the reason,
We cannot question His plans,
We do know our little one
is now in His hands.

I am so blessed to know this awesome woman of God! Please keep her and her husband in your prayers and maybe leave an encouraging word here for them. She pops in here occasionally and I’m sure she could use the support.
This Thanksgiving, let’s challenge ourselves to remember what we’re thankful for. In my family, we go around the dinner table and all share one thing we’re thankful for. Let’s pretend this blog is our table, what are you thankful for this year?

-Sarah

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Romans 12:12

One of my closest friends found out she miscarried this past weekend. This was her first pregnancy and she and her husband are struggling to handle the loss.

I’m reminded of a thought that came to me a couple of months ago when reading the Creation story. I’ve heard and read that story a million times, but for some reason a new lesson popped off the page. I love how God does that! Scripture is unlike any other book because it is actually alive.

Anyway, back to the lesson He revealed to me. After Adam and Eve eat the forbidden fruit, they’re cursed and forced to leave the Garden. Adam is cursed with hard work the rest of his life and Eve is cursed with pain in childbirth.

“I will make your pains in childbearing very severe;
with painful labor you will give birth to children.
Your desire will be for your husband,
and he will rule over you.” Genesis 3:16 NIV

This verse stuck out to me because for the first time I heard it differently. Could it be that the pains in childbearing mean all the pains associated with having children? Could those pains include infertility? miscarriage? So I turned to the Amplified version to see what it said. I love how wordy this translation can be!

“To the woman He said, I will greatly multiply your grief and your suffering in pregnancy and the pangs of childbearing; with spasms of distress you will bring forth children.” Genesis 3:16, Amplified Bible

So when I’m feeling overwhelmed by the sadness of this infertility journey, or the trials my friends are facing, I’m reminded that this also makes God sad. This wasn’t His plan. He designed us for the Garden. To be in perfect communion with Him and one another. But sin entered the picture and ruined that plan.

I don’t know if this will encourage anyone else, but for some reason it helps me when I can understand the reason behind something. Our sin and the curse have tarnished the perfect lives that God had planned for us, but thankfully I know Someone who conquered that Curse.

-Sarah

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