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It’s been pretty quiet on here for the past few weeks. To be honest, I just haven’t felt like writing. I haven’t felt like thinking or talking about infertility. I’m getting tired of waiting and more than anything I just feel hopeless. The fertility drugs aren’t working and the wait is driving us crazy. To make matters worse, pregnancies are being announced on Facebook like they’re going out of style!

Can any of you relate?

So I gave myself a few weeks of pity parties/denial/re-decorating and now it’s time to move forward. I will choose joy and continue to believe that God’s timing is perfect. I won’t worry about my biological clock because I serve the Author of Time.

your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:16

Thanks for all your prayers lately!-Sarah

 

Almost 2 weeks ago, we announced that we added a Prayer page to our site. We know that we’re not the only ones struggling with infertility, so we created a place for you to share what you’re going through. And we want you to know that your prayer requests aren’t just floating out in cyber space. They’re actually read, prayed for, and (if you click the share box) shared!

The Bible says that “when two of you get together on anything at all on earth and make a prayer of it, my Father in heaven goes into action. And when two or three of you are together because of me, you can be sure that I’ll be there.” (Matthew 18:20, The Message)

We believe in the power of prayer and know that when a community prays together God works. So let’s join together and lift up the following requests. And if you want to be prayed for, just click on the Prayer tab at the top of this page or follow this link here.

Prayer Requests:

– We are having our 4th IUI today (Thursday, Dec. 15). Let’s pray that this couple experiences God’s supernatural peace during the 2 week wait.

– My husband David and I are on the list to adopt a baby. We have been trying to conceive since March 2006. We feel that God has called us to Adopt and we’re now asking him to please make our wait, a short one.

– I am praying to have a healthy pregnancy that results in a take home baby.

– They believe that I have a septate uterus and I will be undergoing an HSG later this month or in January to confirm but they are somewhat concerned that I may have an allergic reaction to the test. If they do see an abnormality, we will have to undergo a laparoscopic hysteroscopy to correct it. Sometimes it can take several surgeries to correct. Prayers for health and healing during these tests and possible surgeries would be such a blessing.

– My husband and I are both disabled and have not had a regular source of income in a long time.

– We are in desperate need of comfort, a comfort only God can give us. Thank you….

Let’s approach the throne of Grace with confidence and trust that God is able to handle all of these concerns.

-S

Tired of seeing negative pregnancy tests. Alone. Surrounded by baby bumps. Overwhelmed. Desperate for a baby. Struggling not to be jealous.

I find myself with these feelings all too often. And from the sounds of things, you probably have too. This journey through infertility isn’t easy. Actually, it sucks. And a lot of our friends and family don’t get it.

Which is why we started this blog. We’re eager to connect with other couples who are going through the same struggles and heartbreak. We want to know that we’re not alone. But we don’t just want to talk about our problems and wallow in our sadness, we want this to be a place of hope.

So a couple weeks ago, we secretly added another page. If you’ve already noticed it, good job. You’re probably great at “I Spy” games. If not, look up to the top of our homepage and you’ll see a link that says Prayer. We believe that prayer is powerful and effective. In the Bible, it says:

1 Thessalonians 5:17 Pray without ceasing.

James 5:13 Is anyone among you suffering? Then he must pray.

James 5: 16 Pray for one another so that you may be healed.

If you are feeling overwhelmed and discouraged, we’d be honored to pray for you. There’s also an option to share your prayer request with the community. If you choose that option, we’ll share your prayer request in a weekly prayer post. How cool would it be to know that 100+ people are praying for you? But you don’t have to share it with the community. We understand that infertility can be a pretty private issue (we’re keeping our identities annonymous for a reason!).

So check out our new page and let us know how we can be praying for you.

And remember, you’re not alone.

Some day, God is going to reveal the fact to every Christian, that the very principles they now rebel against, have been the instruments which He used in perfecting their characters and molding them into perfection, polished stones for His great building yonder. — Cortland Myers.

Suffering is a wonderful fertilizer to the roots of character. The great object of this life is character. This is the only thing we can carry with us into eternity….To gain the most of it and the best of it is the object of probation. — Austin Phellps.

by the end of this i will surely have a lot of character!

Hope these help with the Monday blues.

– Abram

we have been trying for three years. they tried for three days.

We’re back from Thanksgiving and we missed you!

I hope you all enjoyed your weekend and got to spend some of it with family. Did any of you find great Black Friday deals? I stayed far away from that madness. I love to shop but pepper spray and pushing scare me. Abram and I spent our days with family and friends and even got to catch a few naps in between. As we were going around the Thanksgiving dinner table and sharing what we’re thankful for, I realized that this blog has been a huge blessing to me lately. You guys have become a community of hope for me and you remind me that I’m not alone in this scary land of infertility. Thank you for stopping by our site and encouraging us with your comments. I honestly can’t sum up how much that means to me.

I know that Holidays can be really hard when dealing with infertility, so I spent some time on Thanksgiving Day praying for each one of you. It’s hard when you’ve spent so much time hoping and dreaming of making the Big Announcement to your family but only have negative pregnancy tests to show for it. I know what that feels like. For those of you who follow us on Twitter (twitter.com/stillcountingst), you may have seen that Thanksgiving brought a very big announcement: My younger sister is pregnant.

Oh man.

We knew the announcement was coming, but nothing can fully prepare you for the moment.

I can’t help but think it should have been me. We’ve been trying for 3 years. She and her husband tried for 3 days. Literally. It was their first month trying. I wanted to have the first grandchild and make my family excited and proud. I wanted to be the one to make my parents grandparents. That was supposed to be our announcement. She got to break the news to family while going around the table and sharing “thankfuls”. How picture perfect is that?! Why does it make me feel sick?

Hope deferred makes the heart sick. Proverbs 13:12a

Every time I hear someone is pregnant, I literally get a stomach ache. Jealousy and disappointment overcome me. I want to be happy for them and get excited over every little detail, but I feel like I don’t have it in me. I just can’t get over the question of “why not me”? When will it be my turn?

But a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12b

But at the same time, I’m happy for them. I’m happy for my sister. I’m learning to make a very intentional decision to choose joy. There’s going to be new life in our family and that brings a ton of excitement. And by God’s grace, my reaction has been good. On my own, I would have yelled and screamed and pouted in the corner when I heard her good news, but God’s showered loads of grace on me over the past year just to prepare me for this moment.

The writer of Proverbs sure knew what he was talking about when he said hope deferred makes the heart sick. I’m tired of waiting. Tired of being heart-sick. I want to make that announcement soon. I want to experience my deepest longing fulfilled. I want to know the joy and fullness of the tree of life.

But until then, I will trust God’s timing.

Someday I’ll get to make my Big Announcement.

I just have to keep reminding myself.

I’ll just try to cope with these stomach aches.

How do you guys handle when your friends or sisters make the Big Announcement?

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Romans 12:12

“Bar of steel worth five dollars, when wrought into horseshoes, is worth ten dollars. If made into needles, it is worth three hundred and fifty dollars; if into penknife blades, it is worth thirty-two thousand dollars; if into springs for watches it is worth two hundred and fifty thousand dollars. What a drilling the poor bar must undergo to be worth this! But the more it is manipulated, the more it is hammered, and passed through the fire, and beaten and pounded and polished, the greater the value.” – Streams In The Desert

Why not us?

The easy thing to do would be to tell you that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger and that we do not know the full story.  It is easy to say that God is teaching us a lesson.  It is easy for my Christian friends to say God won’t give us anything we can’t handle.Grandfather's Watch, B&W

It is just a TON harder to really believe it; to accept that we are being tortured on purpose.  To be told daily of a new pregnancy by everyone we know.  To open up our Facebook feeds full of small heads and chubby cheeks.  To have to revisit our infertility every month and know it once again didn’t happen.  I feel like we are on American Gladiators and everyone is just watching us get tackled and shot with a tennis ball gun. In the end I am in the same place as all of my friends;  i just have a few more bruises and am out of breath.

We are good candidates for parents.  We are a much better pick than the millions who have abortions or are have children outside of marriage or a stable home.  God is our buddy and we live for him as much as we can.  We are ready to bring a child up in a Christian household.  We have spent a ton of time seeking God and serving in his kingdom.  It all looks good on paper.  (These are unhealthy desires, but I am trying to be honest here.)

Yet this process was dragging us down, wearing us out

Don’t look at the bar, look at the springs

Then it clicked while going through my devotions.  I was looking at this bar of metal and not at the springs it will make.  This is not just a fun game where God sees how long we can put up with it.  i have already been renewed.  This is already becoming slightly easier.  I have already turned to prayer and increased my reliance on God.

This is not a story about a bar that is being hammered, beaten, and pounded.  This is a story about watch springs and all of the work God is doing to make us beautiful.

Out of Chaos life is being found in you

This is all chaos, but this is also a story about life coming from dust.  We may never be able to conceive, but I know we have a God through this chaos.

A very important song to me in all of this comes from a couple who overcame infertility.  This song by Gungor was written in the middle of their struggle and is a cry from the watch springs that we know God makes beautiful things.

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

– Abram –

Starbucks Stuttgart, Germany

Image via Wikipedia

A stranger’s compassion

This morning I stopped at Starbucks on my way into work. I was in need of a pick-me-up after spending the first hour of my day with my legs spread at the doctor’s office. While I was waiting for my Pumpkin Spice Latte, a man walked up to the register to order. The first thing out of his mouth was “I’m deaf”. The barista handled this customer without flinching and was very helpful taking his order. But I couldn’t I help but pause for a few moments to think about that statement. I realized he didn’t need to tell the barista about his disability but I wondered if he was tired of people treating him as if he’s dumb just because he can’t hear. He wore his disability on his sleeve.

Our hidden disabilities

There was another man in Starbucks at the time and I had noticed his unusual behavior when he was in front of me in line and waiting for his coffee. He appeared to have a mental disability. I was reminded that we all have disabilities. Some are just more obvious than others. I felt fully aware of my inability to conceive and somehow grateful that the whole world doesn’t know.

One pump of pumpkin spice grace

My morning stop for coffee gave me more than a caffeine buzz, it gave me an added measure of grace for the people I meet today. We all have a disability we’re fighting. Something that isn’t right in our lives. While some people’s are easy to see, others are deep and personal. And while I feel like my disability is the worst because it’s hits so close to my heart, I realize that we all are fighting something bigger than ourselves.

-S-

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