Stuck on Saturday

This past weekend was Easter, and if you’re a Christian you probably spent Sunday morning at church celebrating the Resurrection of Jesus. You also probably spent some time at church on Friday remembering the Crucifixion. The days are only 2 days apart yet they feel so different. One is quiet, introspective, and broken while the other is joyful, social, and, for many, full of chocolate. But until this year, I never thought about the day that falls between those two.

It’s easy to skip over Saturday. From our perspective of the Resurrection story, nothing happened that day. Jesus was in the tomb waiting for the next morning when He would rise from the dead. But can you imagine what that Saturday was like for the disciples? These were men who had quit their jobs to follow Jesus. They had left their homes and their families and their belongings to be a part of His story. Clearly, they believed in Him. What would it take you to give up your job and your home to follow a stranger? Now imagine the despair they felt on that Saturday. Everything they believed in had died. Their hope for a future was gone and the disappointment they felt must have been unbearable. They knew Jesus had said He would rise from the dead, but I’m sure the situation felt pretty hopeless on Saturday. Life didn’t go as they had planned.

Do you ever feel like you’re stuck on Saturday?

You know what God’s promises are, but they seem pretty impossible. You want to believe His words, but you’re overcome with disappointment.

Unlike the disciples, we know the end of the story. We know what happens on Sunday. We see that every word Jesus said was true. And in the light of Sunday, Saturday doesn’t seem so bad.

Maybe you’ve been stuck in this infertility journey for too long and you’re having a hard time seeing the hope of Sunday. Maybe you feel like you’re hanging by a thread. I’m there with you and I know how hard it is. Let’s continue to remind ourselves that God’s promises are true. In your hardest times and disappointing months, cling to the promises He’s made. He is the God of the impossible and we can trust that He won’t break a single promise.

Thanks to a song by All Sons and Daughters, I learned this Easter that God has a lesson for us about that Saturday. When you have a few minutes, listen to this song and their commentary about it. Be encouraged, Sunday is coming!

Related articles

• Saturday Seasons (orangesatmidnight.wordpress.com)
• Sadderday (wherefaithmeetslife.wordpress.com)

absense makes the heart grow…….

numb-er

i am not sure if numb-er is a word, but it works better in my little play on words so i am going to go with it.  i added a dash so you wouldn’t think i was counting.

i have abandoned this community that i was growing.  i know that.  i am just going to pretend you are like old college roommates and jump right in where we left off; minus the cheap beer, video games, and staying up until i normally wake up for work.

i just had hoped that maybe by not writing so much as someone going through infertility that i would somehow not be defined by it.  somehow infertility problems would just slowly shrink down and nuzzle themselves somewhere in-between my lesser problems like being a people-pleaser and not being able to pick up after myself (im sure “Sarah” will give an AMEN to that). 

the slow fade

(and yes, i am going to pretend nuzzle is the proper term here.  it is a great term for all married people to learn)

the problem i am finding is that i am denying my story; my part in an epic novel that is ultimately not about me.

i am so afraid of the “scarlet letter” or the “infertility goggles” or “coming out of the closet” that i deny what is going on here.  i am not owning the fact that all things are from Him, through Him, and to Him.  i am not owning up to the fact that i will never know His ways.

and the more i have ignored my story the more numb i have become to how this can change and shape me.

i care about all of you going through this.  i also need to go through this with others.  let’s dive into how to have faith and be men and women of prayer when faith and prayer haven’t seemed to work in our favor.

this has been a nice chat

- “Abram”

what do all of you think absence does to the heart?  does ignoring infertility make anything better?

Related articles

• Coming out of the “infertility closet” (stillcountingstars.wordpress.com)
• “There is Nothing Happy About Infertility” (jackielopina.wordpress.com)
• This is everything, yet this is not everything (the infertility goggles) (stillcountingstars.wordpress.com)
• Deluge of infertility. Splatterings of hope. (teardropsfalling.wordpress.com)
• Hello Fertility Sisters!! (fertilityfaith.com)
• Infertility: the totally misunderstood disease (djpnz.com)

quiet lips and heavy hearts/ the silence of infertility

It’s been pretty quiet on here for the past few weeks. To be honest, I just haven’t felt like writing. I haven’t felt like thinking or talking about infertility. I’m getting tired of waiting and more than anything I just feel hopeless. The fertility drugs aren’t working and the wait is driving us crazy. To make matters worse, pregnancies are being announced on Facebook like they’re going out of style!

Can any of you relate?

So I gave myself a few weeks of pity parties/denial/re-decorating and now it’s time to move forward. I will choose joy and continue to believe that God’s timing is perfect. I won’t worry about my biological clock because I serve the Author of Time.

your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:16

Thanks for all your prayers lately!-Sarah

 

Related articles

• This is everything, yet this is not everything (the infertility goggles) (stillcountingstars.wordpress.com)
• Well Here Goes…. (bringonthebump.wordpress.com)

give me faith (a song for when He does not seem “Good” or “Great”)

I may have mentioned this before, but I am a musician.  I do not know how it is for people that are not songwriters, but when I hear lyrics that perfectly capture a thought or yearning that I haven’t yet put words to I am captured.

I am really drawn in by songs that take thoughts on my heart and put them to melodies.  To me, that is what defines a great artist.

Once such artist is a worship band from a relatively new church.  They go by the name ELEVATION WORSHIP.

The following song has really stuck with my wife and I and has continually been on our minds.

This has been how I have started or ended many of my prayers in the past months.  I need to know that God is still good and that his love for me is great; especially in the midst of pregnancy issues.  I need to know he is shaping me.

I do not know of a better place to go to build that belief than right to God.  As much as I go to this blog and as much as i go to friends or family, I need to step back sometimes and ask Him to put that belief in me.

You may be reading this at work but I urge you sometime to sit down with this song and help it become your prayer as well.

- Abram

I need you to soften my heart, to break me apart

I need you to open my eyes, to see that You’re shaping my life

All I am, I surrender

Give me faith to trust what you say // That you’re good and your love is great// I’m broken inside, I give you my life

I need you to soften my heart, to break me apart

I need you to pierce through the dark and cleanse every part of me

All I am, I surrender

Give me faith to trust what you say // That you’re good and your love is great// I’m broken inside, I give you my life

I may be weak. Your Spirit’s strong in me

My flesh may fail. My God you never will

 

The much anticipated end of the 2 week wait

Image via Wikipedia

My guess is that most of you reading this blog have a thorough understanding of the infamous “2 week wait”. But just in case you’re popping over here and aren’t/haven’t experienced infertility let me explain. In a typical woman’s cycle, she’ll ovulate around day 13-15 and then get her period 2 weeks later. For those of us trying to get pregnant, this 2 week window can be unbearable. It’s the period of time where you could be pregnant but you just don’t know. You’ve done everything you can do to get pregnant and now you just have to wait it out. I find myself over-analyzing every ache, cramp, emotion, sensitivity and wondering if they’re signs that I’m pregnant. By the end of the 2 weeks my mind is screaming that I’m probably not pregnant so I don’t get my hopes up but all the way to the deepest core of me I’m hoping that I am.

My 2 week wait ends tomorrow. Will this be my last ever 2 week wait? Or, will I be faced with the all-too-familiar negative test result phone call?

I don’t know how to prepare myself? Plan for the worst and hope for the best? What’s your advice?

I’m sure at least of few of you are veterans of the 2 week wait. What’s your advice for those of us that are going through it right now? Please share your best advice and hopefully we’ll get some good ideas listed for the next time we’re faced with the dreaded 2 week wait.

-Sarah

Related articles

• What I would like fertiles (and the world at large) to know. . . part 2 (thestorkdiaries.wordpress.com)
• Ten Commandments for Dealing with Infertility (psychologytoday.com)
• Top 10 Responses I am Tired of Hearing (themadmama.wordpress.com)

It’s Christmas!

Merry Christmas, Star-counters!

I know today will be hard from some of us. We’ll be reminded of our dream for children and then faced with emptiness on Christmas morning. Family members may say insensitive things and emotions may be elevated. My prayer for you this Christmas is that you would know that you’re not alone and the God has a plan and purpose for your life.

May the most important baby ever born fill your hearts and bring you peace.

xo -Sarah

Worries turned to prayers

Almost 2 weeks ago, we announced that we added a Prayer page to our site. We know that we’re not the only ones struggling with infertility, so we created a place for you to share what you’re going through. And we want you to know that your prayer requests aren’t just floating out in cyber space. They’re actually read, prayed for, and (if you click the share box) shared!

The Bible says that “when two of you get together on anything at all on earth and make a prayer of it, my Father in heaven goes into action. And when two or three of you are together because of me, you can be sure that I’ll be there.” (Matthew 18:20, The Message)

We believe in the power of prayer and know that when a community prays together God works. So let’s join together and lift up the following requests. And if you want to be prayed for, just click on the Prayer tab at the top of this page or follow this link here.

Prayer Requests:

- We are having our 4th IUI today (Thursday, Dec. 15). Let’s pray that this couple experiences God’s supernatural peace during the 2 week wait.

- My husband David and I are on the list to adopt a baby. We have been trying to conceive since March 2006. We feel that God has called us to Adopt and we’re now asking him to please make our wait, a short one.

– I am praying to have a healthy pregnancy that results in a take home baby.

- They believe that I have a septate uterus and I will be undergoing an HSG later this month or in January to confirm but they are somewhat concerned that I may have an allergic reaction to the test. If they do see an abnormality, we will have to undergo a laparoscopic hysteroscopy to correct it. Sometimes it can take several surgeries to correct. Prayers for health and healing during these tests and possible surgeries would be such a blessing.

- My husband and I are both disabled and have not had a regular source of income in a long time.

- We are in desperate need of comfort, a comfort only God can give us. Thank you….

Let’s approach the throne of Grace with confidence and trust that God is able to handle all of these concerns.

-S

Look up // Hope in infertility

Hey fellow star-counters,

I think that’s what I’m going to call you guys. Star-counters. It’s a reference from the story of Abram and Sarah and you should totally check out the full thing in Genesis 15. But in my own words, Abram is having a hard night and he cries out to God, “Why haven’t you given me kids?!”

Been there? I have.

Many times.

So God tells him to go outside and look up at the stars. The God says to him;

“Look up at the sky and count the stars- if indeed you can count them.
So shall your offspring be.”

In the midst of Abram’s hopeless situation, God gives him a promise. God shows him hope. He causes Abram to look beyond his current situation. And I believe that God wants us to experience that same hope. He wants us to know He’s in control even when our hormones are not. He is the Prince of Peace and he wants us to know His peace even when we get another negative test result.

God may not have promised each one of us that our children will be as numerous as the stars in the sky. Or that we’d be able to have children naturally. Or even that our children will be perfectly healthy when we finally get them. But he has promised to be in control. One of my favorite promises that He’s made comes from Jeremiah 29:11:

“For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord.
“Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.
Plans to give you a hope and a future.”

So if the challenges of today are more than you can bear, take time to look up and count the stars. Remember the promises that God has made to you. He wants to prosper you and He has plans for your future.

I’ll be counting stars with you.

-S

Related articles

• hello from “abram” (stillcountingstars.wordpress.com)
• The parable of the watch springs (what our infertility story is really about) (stillcountingstars.wordpress.com)
• Hagar, Ishmael, And God’s Promise To Abraham Genesis 15 – Genesis 17 (brakeman1.wordpress.com)
• This is everything, yet this is not everything (the infertility goggles) (stillcountingstars.wordpress.com)
• the most wonderful time of the year….. (damagedandbroken.wordpress.com)
• You might be an infertile if…. (ridingtheifcrazytrain.wordpress.com)

How observant are you? // We’ve added a page!

Tired of seeing negative pregnancy tests. Alone. Surrounded by baby bumps. Overwhelmed. Desperate for a baby. Struggling not to be jealous.

I find myself with these feelings all too often. And from the sounds of things, you probably have too. This journey through infertility isn’t easy. Actually, it sucks. And a lot of our friends and family don’t get it.

Which is why we started this blog. We’re eager to connect with other couples who are going through the same struggles and heartbreak. We want to know that we’re not alone. But we don’t just want to talk about our problems and wallow in our sadness, we want this to be a place of hope.

So a couple weeks ago, we secretly added another page. If you’ve already noticed it, good job. You’re probably great at “I Spy” games. If not, look up to the top of our homepage and you’ll see a link that says Prayer. We believe that prayer is powerful and effective. In the Bible, it says:

1 Thessalonians 5:17 Pray without ceasing.

James 5:13 Is anyone among you suffering? Then he must pray.

James 5: 16 Pray for one another so that you may be healed.

If you are feeling overwhelmed and discouraged, we’d be honored to pray for you. There’s also an option to share your prayer request with the community. If you choose that option, we’ll share your prayer request in a weekly prayer post. How cool would it be to know that 100+ people are praying for you? But you don’t have to share it with the community. We understand that infertility can be a pretty private issue (we’re keeping our identities annonymous for a reason!).

So check out our new page and let us know how we can be praying for you.

And remember, you’re not alone.

Quick Quotes: polished and fertilized

Some day, God is going to reveal the fact to every Christian, that the very principles they now rebel against, have been the instruments which He used in perfecting their characters and molding them into perfection, polished stones for His great building yonder. — Cortland Myers.

Suffering is a wonderful fertilizer to the roots of character. The great object of this life is character. This is the only thing we can carry with us into eternity….To gain the most of it and the best of it is the object of probation. — Austin Phellps.

by the end of this i will surely have a lot of character!

Hope these help with the Monday blues.

- Abram